EvolveHer: Unpacked Podcast

EvolveHer Unpacked: Episode 4 Jacq Gould

February 27, 2020 EvolveHer Season 1 Episode 4
EvolveHer: Unpacked Podcast
EvolveHer Unpacked: Episode 4 Jacq Gould
Show Notes Transcript

"I became the woman I needed when I was a little girl." - Jacq Gould

Getting to a place of self love and self acceptance isn’t always an easy ride. And when it gets rocky, sometimes you just need someone to help you clear the way to unrestrained self acceptance. In this episode, Amanda and Alicia down with Jacq, self-worth enthusiast and founder of Your Inner Babe. Through her journey to self-acceptance, Jacq found that what she truly needed was someone who understood exactly what she was going through and experiencing on a daily basis. Jacq shares how this realization lead her to fuel a business dedicated to uplifting those on their own path to self-love.

MORE ABOUT JACQ GOULD: Jacq Gould is a certified mentality coach, podcast host, self-worth enthusiast, and founder of YOUR INNER BABE, where she works with clients of all ages to help shift their mindset from that of self-doubt to self-love, through self-discovery. Growing up, Jacq struggled deeply with her own confidence. She started YIB to help others learn to own their inner struggles and turn the whole damn thing around. YIB bridges the gap between feeling alone and feeling supported. Together, she and her clients unwrap what gets in the way of prioritizing their own happiness, and kick the inner drama to the curb, paving the way to unrestrained acceptance.

The YIB Method Session 2 is about to start! It is a 8-week group coaching session. Meetings are 90 min/wk, include touch base calls, texts and a YIB method workbook. Click here to be the first to know when the next group session sign up begins! Find Jacq Gould on Instagram, her website and her podcast, 'Set That B*tch Free'

About your hosts:
Alicia Driskill, Founder of EvolveHer, curates events and workshops that help women evolve and live a life they love. Prior to launching evolveHer, Alicia worked as VP of Global Partnerships at WME | IMG, one of the world’s most innovative companies. She also served as a Senior Executive at Live Nation and People.com. After a 17 yr career in entertainment & media working alongside the industry’s elite, Alicia decided to evolve her own career path and disrupt the Chicago market by opening EvolveHer, Chicago’s first creative workspace designed for women. Follow Alicia on Instagram and LinkedIn.

Amanda Chin, Partner and Head of Growth of EvolveHer, is a sales leader and business development strategist with over a decade of experience scaling businesses and brands. She has partnered with global Fortune 500 brands in digital marketing strategy and business development. Amanda most recently was VP of Sales at an award-winning marketing technology company, Amobee, where she built and led the social advertising business. In addition to her role at EvolveHer, Amanda has a consulting business focused on business development and scale for entrepreneurs and growth based companies. Follow Amanda on Instagram and LinkedIn.

EvolveHer creates personalized connections and experiences to advance women in their career and life. Find EvolveHer on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn

Support the show (http://evolveher.community)

Alicia:   0:06
Welcome to the Evolve, her unpacked podcast, a show dedicated to sharing the untold journeys of leading female entrepreneurs, executives and allies as they navigate the ups and downs of life, career and family. We're your hosts, elation Amanda, sit back, relax and get ready to unpack the stories of the messy middle and experiences and ultimately helped define their success. On today's episode, we speak to Jack cooled certified mentality coach, body confidence advocate, founder of your inner babe and hosts of the set That bitch free podcast. Jack was no stranger to eating disorders and a lack of self confidence drop her adolescence, which many of us were can relate to. After hitting her own rock bottom, Jack decided to hit Pause on her Broadway career and dreams to see clinical help. After what felt like hundreds of therapy sessions, she continue to feel like something was still missing until one day, a conversation with her grandmother sparks what would later become the urine herb. A platform I've got to say you all are in for a treat today. She's the rial deal here it evolve her. We're very mindful of the words passion authentic because in this day and age, they tend to be a little bit overused. The funny thing is, in our main space, we have a giant neon sign. This is feel your passion that people love taking photos in front of. If you haven't come check out the space yet, please d'oh. But in any rate, a leash. And I both agree that the energy in the room really shifted when we started speaking to her and diving in. She's kind. She's passionate. And most importantly, Jack shares actual tips for us and our listeners and how to stop the negative self talk loop that so many of us go into. And she reminds us of the power of language language towards herself. In fact, she actually really time called me out, and real time coached me on my own language on the spot. Like I said, we forget how much power words actually have and the impact of those words on our own perceptions of ourselves. Imagine if you are saying negative things to yourself over and over and over again, but you didn't realize it, and it gets ingrained right. At any rate, we're so excited for you to listen. This episode. And for me to get called out, we hope you enjoy it. Please leave us. Comments. Speed back. Enjoy.

Jacq Gould:   3:03
Thanks for coming

Amanda:   3:05
in on a Friday and in the cold, cold weather of Chicago s O before we jump in. Tell us a little about yourself. It's like your speed dating. Tell us a little

Alicia:   3:15
bit about yourself.

Jacq Gould:   3:16
Speed dating, popcorn pitch. I'm Jack Wald. I am a mentality coach. I own a company coaching company called Your Inner Babe. It worked with women on confidence and mentality shifts and really, how to find what I call the inner babe and set that bitch free. I was born and raised in Chicago, the northern suburbs, and lived in New York for eight years. I moved there for college I went to And why use Tisch School of the Arts and I majored in drama. Um, super dramatic and lived there after stayed and ultimately met my now husband there, who moved us to Chicago close to three years ago. And I've been here ever since. And, you know, it was tough for me to leave New York. That was my place. It holds a really special place in my heart, but ultimately Chicago was for the greater good because it led me to your inner babe. I'm also a dog mom, soon to be two dog mom, which is pretty nets.

Amanda:   4:15
That is insane. I can't imagine. So the jump from talk us a little talk us through the jump from drama Thio coaching in mentality, coaching

Jacq Gould:   4:26
specifically. You know, it's interesting because if you would have asked me at 18 you know, are you gonna be doing anything but performing? I would have liked, probably cried and, like, broke and found a 1,000,000 pieces and like, No, I'm only capable of acting, Um, for a really long time, I think I genuinely believed that was the only thing I could D'oh! Um, and in some were through line way drama to coaching. It connects. But I went so I was a drama major. Like I said at N Y u. And I like to say I moved to New York with 24 cardboard boxes and a whole lot of baggage, like, literally and figuratively because I was a really broken person. Um, I condone that I battled eating disorders all throughout high school and college, and you know to be a broken person is tough, but that was a limiting beliefs. And for a while I believed that. And so to be a broken person. Like I said, be feeling like you're broken trying to break into the entertainment industry. It doesn't equal success. Let's just say that So by the end of my four years, I had just completely lost the passion for performing. But I had gone to treatment. And as a junior in college, I just sort of lost control of my life. Like my eating disorder completely was controlling me. And I knew that if I didn't ask for help, I was gonna lose. Um, so I asked for help, went to outpatient, got amazing clinical help. Once I graduated college, I loved myself, but I didn't love acting anymore. Um, and there was something, though, about finding an actor and really seeing their talent and then making it happen for them are helping like being an agent, really. And it was an intriguing to me, so I thought that that's what I would do. And I worked at a talent agency for about a year, and once I realized that was way too corporate. I left, um, and around that time was when it was becoming trendy and beautiful to own your curves and all these beautiful plus size models were growing up are blowing up. Excuse me, Ashley Graham, Danica Bray. Shell like people were really getting the recognition that they deserved on, and I got scouted to model. And I had told myself, You know what? I will model if I can inspire one girl a day to feel comfortable in her skin because I know what it's like to not feel like that. And I made it through, um, so did that for about a year, which is actually what I was doing when I moved here and you're into modeling. It was fun, but it wasn't fulfilling. I didn't feel like that. Sports Bry modeled on set, was really changing someone's life, and that was my ultimate goal. I really wanted to impact and inspire. Um, and I had this amazing conversation with my grandma one night after a long day of modeling it Sears and she sort of pulled it out of me. She just asked all the right questions and and I just lit up. I guess when I talked about the mentality and how when I could own my part in the part that I played in my journey and my story. That's when my transformation happens. Like no more blame, really just connected from within connected to me. That's when I flourished, and I wanted to be able to help other women do that from. And so then I got certified. I literally went home that night after talking to my grandma and research certification programs. And the next day I jumped off the ledge and started. I don't think I knew at the time obviously, what this was gonna be, but I was closer.

Amanda:   7:53
Yeah, he started to just kind of see and feel, like, started feeling, right? Yeah. I started to feel like it was the path for you. I want to lean in a little bit to, um what you were saying about your eating disorder. I know that something that you're really open with, and I think a lot of women and men I mean, I like personally. You don't realize that you haven't you disorder. You just think that you're like trying to like I'm not eating Carbs are like eating less or whatever that looks like. When did you realize that? Like, when did you see it? For what? It waas.

Jacq Gould:   8:29
So, um, it's funny you say a lot of people don't know that they have a disorder, right? I mean, if I think back to when mine started, it started as a freshman and cop. And I'm sorry, a freshman in high school I it was like a desperate desire to lose, like, unwanted belly fat Because, like, if I want to be anything but the fat friend because I was super bullied, all my friends were sticks. I was the fat friend. If I want to be anything other than that, I had to, like, lose weight and I to lose it fast, so I cut carbs, you know? Look at it. No, I was doing anything unhealthy to my body or two. My mind, I sort of, you know, just started to see results as most people would. But when I realized, I think that it was a problem was 10 £2045 Later, I looked in the mirror and I still felt broken, you know? Look, I still felt like it wasn't enough. So I think that was the first time it clicked in for me. That okay, this isn't about carbs. This is about something deeper. But I wasn't ready to look at it then. So, for me, I, um I still to this day, it's pretty crazy. Have done a lot of work on it, and I don't know what happened. I just started eating again, and then I moved to New York and the disorder flipped. So it went from anorexia toe B D, which is binge eating disorder, which is actually more common than anorexia and bulimia combined. But I'd be, you know, I'd be alone and I eat. I'd be overwhelmed tonight, eat. I'd be depressed, and I'd eat like, and then I feel like shit after, um, and even more alone than I felt to begin with. Um And it was like I said in my junior year of of college, where I couldn't go a minute with literally one solid minute without that self hate real like I'm overweight, I'm ugly. I'm never gonna be successful. That dark side volume was so loud, and I knew that if I didn't ask for help at that point I was It was over. Like I wasn't living my life anymore. Yeah, Um, so

Amanda:   10:24
I think goose bumps. Yeah, but I

Jacq Gould:   10:25
think that's really When I knew that, it was like, I either, like, take my life back and I asked for help, or I just give up and I wasn't willing to give up.

Amanda:   10:34
Do you think there was, like, one rock bottom moment or Siri's of rock bottom moments? That that Because that takes a lot of self awareness, right? Yeah. Too two. It's like, Oh, I'll fix it tomorrow. More like, Oh, tomorrow. Do better. Right? So was there a moment where What? It felt like the bottom here. Like, I have to do something about this Or am I not gonna I'm not gonna live or whatever that look like.

Jacq Gould:   11:01
Yeah, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was failing out of school. I was actually on my third semester in a row of academic probation. My parents had no idea. No one knew. Um, and I woke up one morning. I had slept through class. I actually was supposed to meet with the dean that day, and I had slept through class and I just woke up crying like, you ever have one of those days where you just like you wake up crying? Yeah. Yeah, like I just I literally woke up crying and I remember walking into the bathroom to pee and like, lifting up my shirt like body checking and like just looking at myself and like, I was just, like, distraught and I had this moment. I was like, I like I said, I have to ask for help or I'm more. I'm done like where it's over, because what is the point of living the way that I'm living right now? I'm not living So actually, my roommate at the time, um, worked in the recovery fields. She worked for a treatment center, an adolescent treatment center addiction, but still was very, you know, immersed in the in the world. And so I went right into her room and I was sobbing, crying, and I looked at her and I was like, I need help. And I was like, I explained to her what was going on and like all my thoughts, my feelings and she looked at me with tears in her eyes and was like I've been waiting three years for you to ask me this. And, um, I got help at that next day. Like, I mean, I have tears in my eyes thinking about

Amanda:   12:23
it, you know, like in

Jacq Gould:   12:25
it to something I processed through so much. But it's it's it brings me back to that younger self that, you know, that felt like she was broken and was always gonna be broken. And I had to hit that rock bottom to realize like I only had to feel broken if I wanted Thio, you know, like that was a limiting belief. And now today I know that the only limits we haven't live in our life are the ones that we allow ourselves to believe. So I had allowed myself to believe x, y and Z for so long. And I was done. And I mean, granted it didn't happen overnight. It

Amanda:   12:58
have a lot of work,

Jacq Gould:   12:59
but like that was my rock bottom for sure.

Amanda:   13:03
Yeah. Do you think that so going back to the limiting beliefs and like those things compound right? So do you think it has something to do with your upbringing? Like so? Obviously one of the questions I had sent over doing advance was How do you think your upbringing shaped those beliefs that you had in your head of? Um, I think oftentimes, like like a leash. And I talked about it. A lot is we're obsessed. We're recovering perfectionists, right? Because you are. You have these stories in your head. As Bernie, Bernie Brown says, like, if I'm perfect than X, I'm perfect than why. So do you have things in your upbringing that helped shaped where you are? Where your path, then your path now?

Jacq Gould:   13:46
Yeah. I mean for sure. I actually did the Hoffman process this last June. Which is? It dives really deep into those negative patterns that meets the human condition. Right? Were born as Children. We see our parents as idols, right? Imagine if we didn't look to them tow, have every answer and know everything like life would be really fucking scary. Um, so it's the human condition to sort of look at your parents and see their patterns and adopt those as your own and say, like, for example, if the pattern is self critical Judgment. Oh, look, Mommy, look, I'm like you, like, love me. No, And this is another thing. You know, I'm very fortunate. I have such a strong relationship with both my parents, and I don't blame them for one second. You know, they ultimately at the end of the day they did the best that they could. And if we talk about how it's the human condition, that means that the same thing happened to them. You know, they were born to their parents and they adopted those patterns and it goes back and back and forth and wanted whatever. But, um, I obviously yes, I picked up those limiting beliefs and those, um, those patterns and I attached him to myself. And that was the identity that I lead with for so long. Um, and you know, my parents loved me so much, so much to the point where it's funny, might. At my wedding, my dad made a speech. He said, We want to Jack's dreams to come true so badly that we would literally get out in front of her and shoveled away right? And you know, so many people listening to be like, Well, you're so I mean, that's so amazing that they, like, supported you, and they wanted to do any anything that they could tow, make your dreams come true. And, yeah, I'm really fucking grateful for that. But I didn't learn how to trust myself. Yeah, you know, I never learned how to believe in myself. You know, um,

Amanda:   15:38
I think that's really interesting, too, because as a parent, this is a man, and they were talking about this earlier. It's so hard to watch your Children go through anything that's hurtful, right? And so somebody just said that to me a couple of years ago. There, like, you know, you have to be able to separate and the like, step back to let them go through things because naturally, like as a parent, you want to do whatever you can to make it the easiest path. But if you don't, then it's like you don't learn some of those skills. And so I've seen my my kids, you know, struggle through some things and so much. I just want to, like, cleared all the way. And it's hard to do that. And I think you hit something on the head, too. It's like when we have our relationships with our parents and like I truly believe no matter what we do is parents like everybody's gonna go Very. Yeah, I s So it's like parents just need to do the best that they can and, like, be okay with their decisions. And then as an adult, you know, my parents and I had completely different views, and we definitely had some ups and downs. You know, a lot of ups and downs. Um, but I will say, like, now with my mom, my relationship has gotten a lot stronger with her because instead of looking at, like, all those things that I was like, Oh, you know, you did it this way And I don't believe that It's like she like how she was raised her environment. You know, her belief. It was all a lot of, like, the bust intention. And so if I take a step back and then just look at the core values that they gave me, it's like I can appreciate that and I understand where the rat, you know in that time. But it's such a I don't know, such an interesting journey as parents and then for us, you know, on the other side of it, as adults now and being able to see some of that's really interested totally.

Jacq Gould:   17:15
And for me every every. I mean, we can call it a rock bottom every like, growth hiccup hurdle that I've had to cross myself because ultimately it's my life, you know, made me grow into the human being in the woman I am today. And I would trade it for the world, you know, I So, yes, I had to learn how to trust myself. Really. I'm still learning, but I had to learn how to trust my body and trust. You know, myself to maintain a relationship, all these things. It was like being 22 learning howto, you know, ride a bike, you know, or like Yeah, that was I was learning something that I could have Or maybe corner they should have learned when I was much younger. But I don't care today. I don't care because, you know, I wouldn't be who I am today If I didn't have to go through what I went through. Yeah,

Amanda:   18:00
absolutely. And I think the other interesting point about it, too, is we ask the question of upbringings. We were curious. If there's you know it's pivotal for certain people, but, um, what you and I are talking about before we started recording was There's so many stories again of my parents didn't love me the right way. My parents didn't love me enough. I had too much love, Whatever that may be, it's like for me personally. I'm getting too much about a relationship with my mom because I went through this period where I was focused on being perfect right off, like I need to do all the things because she sacrificed so much. And then I went to this other period of like while she was, like, so hard on me and like you, whatever that may look like. And they for me, it was the victim had been. I've to your point in my thirties, gone to a place where I'm like, Well, she did the best she could, and you make decisions. And to your point, it's really, really trusting yourself. And it's a very powerful lesson to learn, and I'm glad you learned it. You know, at this age versus 60 years from now or whatever. That may be an Alicia. I talk about it a lot. You forget how much other people's expectations of us shape who we think we are. Oh, my God. Yeah, 100%. 100%. Yeah, it's such a, um when you when you release some of these things, I feel like it's just mind weakening. I know, I know. And I do think to like as we grow, you know, And I continue like if you look at there's definitely markers in my life where big things have happened and I knew that it's gonna change my life. And I'm not gonna be the same person as I was good or bad, right? And it's like you go through something traumatic or you, you know, decide that you want to grow more and learn more and that kind of thing. So it's just like you continuously grow. But I think a lot of times going back to that inner dialogue and like the pressures we put on ourselves, it's like we beat ourselves up for like, Okay, we're gonna be this person and do this thing and like it's society is, you know, expectations and that our own expectations. But we don't give ourselves the grace to, like, know that we're going to change. And, you know, even when we accomplish and get to a certain point, we're like, OK, I'm happy with where I am that, like life changes, people around us changes circumstances change. And we have to continuously evolved to that. And if we don't yet and if we don't cut ourselves some slack in, like allow ourselves to change and grow, it could be a dark circle that you go down on your head. Sure,

Jacq Gould:   20:27
I really do believe that our life, our lives, are mapped out for us by like, an array of destination points, right? Like, you know, we're gonna hit certain things no matter what. Be that people or experiences or tragic whatever it may be. But it's already mapped out for us. But ultimately it's upto us to connect those docks and take control and ownership over our lives. And, um, you know, that's where that free will aspect comes in. You don't have to just say, you know Oh, well, this is how I was brought up. So it's like I have to be this way. Look, if you don't like something about you, you know, I mean, look, if there's something about you that you know deep inside of you. You're meant to evolve out of own that and just grow, you know, like give yourself the space to grow. No one's gonna create the space for you Besides yourself, though I think that that that's a huge thing is that that's why I said no blame. It's like ultimately, at the end of the day, I can sit here and say, Well, my parents attack sci fi but it's my life right now and if I want a certain kind of life or or if I want to be successful or if I want to love myself like that's on me and that connection starts with me one

Amanda:   21:35
100% you know, Taylor said something. And Taylor on our teams had something the other day, and she was talking about it as it relates to like jobs and careers and stuff. But I I've just thought about it a lot as it relates to a life, too, and she was like, You know, you have to take an active role told your own career, your own life and that kind of thing, and it's so easy to like. Complain about stuff or to not take action. But like you have the power to change that right and it's just a step. But sometimes it's like it's easier to pitch about caught up in it. My husband, I always joke that I'm spiritually and I say that he's older soul, but my spiritual guide in this lifetime and it's just so so everything's like very black and wait for him.

Alicia:   22:16
I don't want to go

Amanda:   22:17
to this thing. He's like, So don't wait. What? Why he's like, Don't yeah, like it's just if you don't want to go, then don't do it. But he was like, If people want you to be there, but if you don't want to be there, then it's not serving you. It's not serving them because you don't actually want to be there. It's like a whole cycle and I it's just it's very black, right? But we make up all these continuous is

Jacq Gould:   22:41
well, that's the thing. It's like our mind. We've been trained to do trust. Our mind is the authority and really like It's our gut and stab at our intuition. But we've just been program to outsource those answers, so we go against that gut feeling or we go against what we really want in need because we let our mind coming and nobody should do that like they're right, you know, like they showed up for me and like, you know, like, they'd be really disappointed if I wasn't there. But really, like you said, it wouldn't serve anyone if we showed up and you weren't like a

Amanda:   23:10
pillow to fully be there 100%. And I think when I was reading over your notes and looking at your business and that's such a powerful statement of, um, what you represent and like being, you know, that 100% present and bringing your full self. And I love how, um I'd love to just talk even about, you know, the foundation of her business. Because there's that piece. There's the prioritizing happiness like that is such a huge thing. Thio, can you tell us a little bit about you know, all this? All these learnings and experiences, um, and the like, really key pieces that stood out. And what kind of lead you to be like? You know what I need toe actually dedicate my life to this and like, this is gonna be my next

Jacq Gould:   23:53
chapter. It all goes back to that conversation with my grandma. She was like, Really What is it? And I was like, I just know that I'm capable of shifting, like, the attitude of somebody's mind in the way that they can connect and really think about and feel about themselves. Like I know. I don't know why, but I'm telling you, like something inside me is telling me that that's my purpose. Um, and so ultimately, when I was in treatment, I had amazing clinical help. I am, like, the biggest therapy advocate. I go to therapy every week. I would love therapy, coaching dream team. But that's just the thing. I would leave that room and step out of that therapeutic box. And I was like, Now what? I still felt alone. Like I still felt like no one really could see me and could look me in the eye and be like, you know, I see you. I I hear you. I I got to the other side. Now let me help you get through this too. Um, help me actually, like, implement the tools that I was learning into my day to day life because it's one thing that I know all this shit. But then it's like you go and live the inevitability of life, and you're kind of rocked. You're like, Wait, huh? I haven't learned anything. So there was a gap. There was just a gap. And, um, basically, I would say today who I am. What I do is what I needed when I was going through it, you know, like I became the woman I needed when I was younger. Um and yeah, there's a lot of components, but I think really what it boils down to is I say finding the inner babe and what I refer to his inner babe is your spirit or your true essence. We all have that. It's just about connecting to her and setting her free. And then, you know, we can't stop the inevitability of life, and I always say two kinds. I'm never gonna hand you a lightning bolt. You're never gonna walk away and be like, Oh

Alicia:   25:50
my God, this was it.

Jacq Gould:   25:51
Like it's not that it's that you're Ben put again in situations that you were in before And you you're mindsets different. You just react differently. Or maybe you react the same. But your recovery is so much quicker. And that, to me, just starts with you. It all starts with view. It starts with you, and it starts from within. And you have to prioritize yourself in the context of your life. Everything else then becomes stronger. Yeah, period. Point blank. The end. Like you know what I mean.

Amanda:   26:20
Yeah. And when they start like to you a point of like, if you recover quicker and you notice that change, then you gain confidence, right? You're like, Oh, I love how I did that. I have that right. And like and then you start to build that confidence, which is gonna help put you on the path. And you continue get more tools in that kind of thing.

Jacq Gould:   26:36
Yeah, like, I have the first example that I think of when you just said that is I have a client recently, actually, group client who? You know, a lot of people think that confidence is rooted in your appearance. Like, Oh, if I lose all this weight like, I'm gonna, like, really feel great about myself and feel super confident, it's not. Let's get that shit right. Yeah. Out of the

Alicia:   26:53
way. Uh,

Jacq Gould:   26:53
it's not rooted in your appearance. Point blank. What I said before 10 £2045 later, self like shit. So my client recently I was talking about how I hate bathing suits. No matter how confident in myself, I am how old I get or how much work I do. I'll never like bathing suits. I just don't like what they do to me mentally. But so I make it a point, too. Then stand in front of a mirror every time I'm in a bathing suit and, like, say nice things about myself because that's not my initial reaction. My initial reaction would be negative. Um, but again, we go back to control. I'm in control of my life so I could choose how he speaks myself. But my client recently texted me that she bought a bathing suit and she tried to nine and her initial reaction was negative. And then she looked in front of me and she was like, This is my life. I choose me and she just changed the game. And so it's like we're not gonna erase what we write what we d'oh, you know? Yeah, it's part of us. But we can choose whether we exercise those patterns or let those traveling completely, destroying

Amanda:   27:54
that acknowledgement moment of catching that feeling before it goes into that spiral mode like That's the goal.

Jacq Gould:   28:00
Yeah, and it's like Then she text me being like, I feel

Alicia:   28:02
so good about myself, not

Jacq Gould:   28:04
even physically. But the fact that I could have that awareness and that self compassion and and, like, change

Alicia:   28:09
it

Jacq Gould:   28:09
like that rocks. And that's all

Amanda:   28:14
of it. Yeah, that's that's like So powerful is I think, sometimes when it comes to like coaching or therapy, people were people walk in and they think that it's like to your point in lightning bowling. Is this person gonna fix me, right? I have friends that you know, because I feel like mental health wasn't it was people to talk about before, but now it's becoming obviously a very large top ache and a priority. And I always say to people You get to fix yourself. These are just tools, but it's even with, like, for me personally, there be coaching. It's like the tools, so like every time I get better and better about recognizing the patterns. Because it's all days is breaking the pattern

Jacq Gould:   28:55
totally. And I haven't even challenge you to shifted a little shift. Um, you don't have to be fixed. No one has to be fixed. We're not broken, you know, if we want top level for sure, we want to feel even better about ourselves, for sure. Yeah, we're not broken. Right? And you have to be fixed.

Alicia:   29:11
Yes, I think it's a language. Things live coaching right now on this pole, and we just

Amanda:   29:17
naturally say thing. Yeah, like you don't even recognize it. But it does affect, like, emotion in their own perceptions of ourselves. My rake, A healer. Pria is very mindful of language and she always like I always asked like, Why do I feel this way? She's like, Why not like this is you have to feel what you feel.

Jacq Gould:   29:37
I was a feelings Air passengers. They don't want to stay. But in order for them to move, you have to let them move through you. You have to feel them. Um, it's like when we feel sad. It's like I can't feel sad too much to do. And like people like you feel like the only way you're not going to feel sad as if you feel sad. You know, it's all about just being just being late at all times, whenever you can. Showing up is you. Whether that's 15% 50% or just enough to get through the day like I mean, that's what real self love is is meeting yourself where you're out whenever you need

Amanda:   30:08
a Yeah, it's going through versus trying to go around absolutely going. That's what people D'oh! The

Jacq Gould:   30:13
only way out

Amanda:   30:13
is through. Yep. So I guess on that note you've dropped so many amazing gem so far. But what would you say? What would you say to people out there? Women specifically trying to We were talking beforehand balances bullshit, right? We would strongly believe that we believe in integration and life fluctuates accordingly. What would you say to people women out there trying to make everything happen for them right now?

Jacq Gould:   30:37
So for me, you know, I don't believe in balance either. I'm still trying to figure out a balance like I'm I don't think I ever thought that I would wear a cz many hats as I do today, right? Like I'm a wife. I'm a daughter. I'm a friend. I'm a business owner. I'm a coach of a podcast host. I'm a boss, like I like. I don't I don't think I ever expected that, But it's really hard to balance a bounce. Bullshit. It's not really about finding how to do it all. It's about, like I said a little bit before showing up for yourself first and doing whatever you need to dio toe help yourself first so that everything else then become stronger. So for me, it's like I always take my motto for your order babies to go with the flow. And I don't mean be chill like go with the flow. I can't go with my flow like if something feels hard, that's a block like that means to me. I shouldn't be doing it right now. Set it aside. Come back to it any time something's worked for me, and I really do believe that when something is right, it it just it works, right. It doesn't need to be forced whenever something has worked for me, and it's just because I've trusted it back to that trash for us Um, yeah. And, you know, obviously that didn't just happen for me overnight, but I would say enough about balance. Just show up for yourself to me. Really? Well, wellness. If we're gonna talk about

Amanda:   31:58
what? Like Well, this is, you know. Well,

Jacq Gould:   31:59
this is about meeting yourself where you're at at any given moment, whatever that looks like free. Oh, so I mean, my piece of advice would be just that you don't force anything. It feels forced. It's not right. Yep. We

Amanda:   32:13
were talking about how everyone so is so focused on self care. But it's different than self love because it's you have people who are like, Why did my five minutes meditation this morning? And then and then I did my thing and like, I should feel better by now.

Jacq Gould:   32:28
Yeah. No. And we were talking about it before. You know, self care. I think it is. Where's this mask of? Like it's a face mask or lymphatic drainage or all of these things that are awesome, like I would love all that stuff. But that's fluff. Tell me real self care is what's gonna create space for yourself creating space for you. So my greatest acts of self carry love, a good massage, but really, it's like singing or cooking or like literally just sitting in the same room as my husband and like being you know, it sounds crazy, but it's those air. What, actually create this space for me? Yeah, I love meditation. Meditation is huge for me, but sometimes, like, I'll be completely transparent. The second I woke up this morning, I was, like, anxious. It just was one of those days where I kind of woke up like, Oh, my God, I have so much to do. This week has been crazy. Yeah, I did my meditation, but that wasn't enough. What I need is something, Maura. I'm gonna honor that. Yeah. So self care is finding what? It's not one size fits all. It's not about the most trendy thing it's about, Really? Like what lights you up? Like what pokes a hole in that tire that's filled to capacity and lets a little bit of the air out?

Amanda:   33:35
Yeah, I like he's now using. I

Jacq Gould:   33:38
like I am. I I am a metaphor. That is May,

Amanda:   33:43
um I think. Okay, So just to in her last few minutes, we like to ask some hot seat questions here for, um, so I don't know. I have a couple for, you know, Alicia does. But what was the most surprising thing about starting your own business? Oh,

Jacq Gould:   33:59
my God. Um, how much I'd cry. I never thought. I mean, I've always cried. My dad would always say that just my first reaction is to cry, but I don't think I ever thought that I would cried this much about something that I look, I can't explain it. I just I cry so damn much That's so surprising.

Amanda:   34:19
Yeah. I recently learned how to cry in the last couple years. I like to say it May I know how to cry, but like how? It's not like a negative thing And reading people sometimes they're like like like I'm not supposed to the whole supposed to supposed to should have, could have the whole thing. Okay. All right. What is the best self care hidden gem that you found? That is something that other people could try. But it doesn't have to be like the stereotypical things and not like the face mask type thing. But like, you know, be going for a walk in a certain area or

Jacq Gould:   34:53
turn on your favorite song and dance like no one's watching. Not getting it. Are you a

Amanda:   34:59
lovely drive? And I would just accept me. And they're like, Oh, like I don't good. I love that

Jacq Gould:   35:05
I'm like a showered answer that time I am always, I think, that that's the performer. And me. It's like a belt like no one's watching and also dance like no one's watching. It's Alex's body. It's the movement that really just

Amanda:   35:15
release. Yeah, regrettably energy. Yeah, exactly. It s so good. Mine is Whitney Houston's. I wanted to have somebody I love Whitney. I do like an interpretive dance. And one time Kevin came home and he was like, What? I feel good. Yes. Um, what's the most surprising thing for you as a newlywed? Um Mmm. That's a good question. Um, don't listen, Daniel.

Jacq Gould:   35:46
You know, I would say truly, I'm really honest about marriage. I was terrified to get married, and not because of something that Daniel did or something like that. Not because I don't think I was ready. All right. I think I was terrified that, you know, I would sort of roll up and be like, Here's all my shit. Sit with it, Like, sit with me in it forever. Like a And I was gonna some I'll mess it up and that goes back to trust and all brat. But I think the most surprising thing is that he really is my forever, You know what I mean? Like heat, nothing rocks him. And I think I'm just so surprised pleasantly surprised that I found such a partner, you know, like, I've really found my match. And he is weakness is that I am stronger in and vice for son. Um, you know, he just he surprises me every day that he can step up when I'm running low. Yeah,

Amanda:   36:39
that's the only time I would say balance. The word balances. Okay, You balance each other out. Yeah. Compromise. Do anything else, Alicia, Um, I have If you could go on an island, would you want to go just for, like, three weeks, which I'm going to go alone or with 30 strangers? Oh, I know I'm not good with people

Jacq Gould:   37:03
like that. I'm like a closeted introvert

Amanda:   37:05
like I all of us are. Yeah,

Jacq Gould:   37:07
I'm good at, hon. I could be on. Aiken, step up like I am my happiest self When I'm like in bed with my blankie and my dog, I would blankie. It's fine, but like I'm Yes. Now. Alone. Alone? Yes, I have friends who would have said 30 strangers. I'm so in like that's freaky to me. Some fire festival stuff. Yeah, Yeah. No, no. All right. I don't think

Amanda:   37:32
we have anything else. Thank you so much for a time. How do people find you

Jacq Gould:   37:35
so you can follow me on Instagram at Jack Old? Um, I have my own podcast. It's called Set That Bitch free. You can listen to it anywhere you listen to your podcasts spot Spotify, iTunes, luminary and Demi Have a website. Www dot your inner babe dot com Reach out. I always respond. Um, yeah. Find me. Let's find your inner babe. I

Amanda:   38:00
love it. Thank you so much for coming out. Exit loves having you on the show, and, um go check her out.

Alicia:   38:06
Thank you for spending your time with us during this episode. Please subscribe and leave us. Reviewed iTunes to learn more about a volver how to become involved with amazing girls. Women and allies neck with us via social media at revolver or visit our website. Evolve her doctor until next time.